Look, we’re not failures. We’re not. We get it.
Truth is, our bar for what or whom counts as an actual failure is markedly high – typically requiring, say, a legal indictment, or participation in an especially unseemly reality show. But everyone experiences failure, those awkward moments when our best intentions somehow result in an embarrassing public nose-dive. Some people can pocket those moments as funny anecdotes, bumps in an otherwise smooth ride or at worst, as moments when fate or nature conspired against them. We are not those people.
We are hoarders of our own perceived disasters. We’ve boxed and labeled more or less every misstep we’ve ever taken. Our floors are littered, our shelves sagging, our attics overstuffed. We’re pricing storage lockers in New Jersey for the overflow.
So, let’s say this is a clearing out, an airing, a light-hearted exorcism aimed less at our failings than at the absurdity of clinging to them. We offer these monthly installments of some of our greatest hits, and invite you to laugh with us – or, let’s face it, at us. And if we fail to offer help or humor…well, that’s to be expected.
MICHAEL DOYLE is a writer who lives in Brooklyn. He's doing okay.
STEPHANIE JANSSEN is an actress and writer who lives in Brooklyn. They let her out of the hospital. She was fine.